Australia is awesome.
Winter is Summer. Everyone is tall, athletic and talks like Hugh Jackman. Oh, and they make a killer shiraz. It’s such a magical place it’s nickname is Oz. There are so many magical things to do in Australia, and the Atlantic City boys and I did all of them.
Here’s a 3-minute video of everything cool to do:
FEED A KANGAROO:
Kangaroos are amazing, and the fat, lazy ones in the petting zoos will come right up to you. It’s a bond between man and domestic caged Kangaroo, that will leave you feeling like a conquering outdoorsy adventurer who, like Steve Irwin, knows the inner thoughts and habits of the wild jumping beasts. Plus, they keep the babies in their pouches and they are super-cute.
You can also see a Koala bear, but odds are that thing will be asleep. All Koalas do is sleep and sometimes eat eucalyptus leaves. You’re allowed to pet them, but ultimately, the Koala is like your lame-ass college roommate who sleeps through all his classes and never does the dishes.
The waves in Australia are legendary and home to noted surfer, Mick Fanning. So obviously you need to surf there just to say you did. The break there is super steep and loves to crush tourists in it’s huge foamy jaws. The good news is, if you are good, you can get tubed. The bad news is, if you are not, you can drown. There are lots of friendly surf shop babes that will rent you a board for cheap. All you have to do is sign a waiver, a living will, provide dental records and a major credit card, and you are good to paddle out.
GO TO THE OPERA
Sydney’s famous opera house sits on the water, it’s iconic architecture is breath-taking. Sure, you can grab a gelato, and walk along the waterside and admire it from the outside, but the real magic is inside. Suit up, grab some champagne from one of the many bars overlooking the harbor and then stroll the cherry carpeted staircase to your seat where you will hear some of the finest singers in the world. There’s close captioned translations of the Italian so you can follow the story. There’s an incredible live orchestra complete with a floppy haired maestro whose spastic movements are a show all by themselves. We saw Mozart’s Don Juan, and it was captivating…although Don was a little less of a lothario and more rapey than I remember him. Also remember when the show is over, and the sun has set there are tons of bats that fly around the opera house. It’s creepy and awesome like Tim Burton’s original Batman.
Check out the ACboys live in front of the Sydney Opera House:
DRIVE GREAT OCEAN WAY
Breath taking views abound on this long-ass drive up Australia’s coast. (Did I mention the drive was long?) Fortunately, you can sleep on the bus and when you wake up, you will be treated to some of the most spectacular photo ops ever. There are rock formations jutting out of the pacific ocean called the “Twelve Apostles.” There’s no biblical significance other than the number of towering rock formations, but due to erosion, some of the rocks are harder to see now. I liken it to the scene in Mel Brooks’ “History of the World Part Two” where Moses comes down from the mountain and he says, “I give you these fifteen…” then drops a stone tablet, breaking it into a million pieces. “I mean, ten…ten commandments.” They warn you against swimming there, but I say if you love the ocean like I do, bring a swimsuit and go for it.
Ever since Men at Work came out with “Down Under” Americans have asked the question “What the eff is Vegemite?” They sell it everywhere in Australia and it is hawked as everything from a B-vitamin supplement to a hangover cure. All I know is, it tastes awful. It’s like there was a funeral in your mouth and no one came because they all hated the guy. But Aussie’s have a sense of humor about their famous product. A billboard says, it’s like swimming in a friend of a friend’s swimming pool. I’m not sure what that means, but here’s us taking the vegemite challenge:
I will never forget Australia, partly because of the sights, the sounds, and the amazing culture-
…and partly because I bought this giant koala bear that takes up my whole room now.